Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
