It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
