Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
