You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
