Ketchup is God's man juice
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
