no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
