Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
