Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
