oh god the rape fog is back!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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