Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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