Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
