It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
