you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
