My first STD was from a foam party
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need to stop coming to work sober
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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