3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
