I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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