I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
