My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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