i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
