while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dicks are not precious.
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