tell your sister to shave her snatch
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
