I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
