Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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