Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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