Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
