Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize