Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
