took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
