she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
