Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
