whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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