i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize