Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
