FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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