Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
