ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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