this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
