the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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