is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
