the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
