Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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