i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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