Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
