Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
