TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
