so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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