In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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