I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
