i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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