A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
