So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
