I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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