Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so let's talk penis.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
