im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
