so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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