All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
