its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize