Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
