The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
