Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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