carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
