So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
