sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
