Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
