I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
